Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When did angry sex become our thing?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize