All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
