If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
