Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
