wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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