I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
