Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
