im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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