called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
PANTIES FOUND
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
