he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
