We won't sleep together?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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