You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
