no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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