I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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