she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
