TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
