you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
