Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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