all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
