all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize