He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
