just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
