Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
