Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
