I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Text me some of your sweat
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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