Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
