Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
