he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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