As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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