either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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