Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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