Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
