Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
