"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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