six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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