You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
my liver is dry heaving
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
