And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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