So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
