i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
