i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
