walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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