So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
whose ass print is on the piano?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
