Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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