Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
