So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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