Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
