he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize