help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
