you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
