Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
