Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
