I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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