I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
