I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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