We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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