There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
