What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
