tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
