i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
