There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
