I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
